Friday, April 27, 2012
Some Thoughts on Bullying
My son. My one and only. My wonderful little six-year old was bullied today. Pretty harshly, actually, and in such a crude way that I am uncomfortable giving details.
And I’ve thought a lot about when this day would come, and how I would react.
I am very cognizant of not being a helicopter parent. I want my son to learn, to grow, to face struggle and learn how to overcome. These make him a strong, more stable person.
And the same time, parents must model behavior. We must support. We must step in.
The world is not fair. It is sometimes brutal. And I’m not always going to let my six year old be a victim of social Darwinism.
I was bullied as a kid. Quite a bit, actually. Left to defend myself. Made to grow strong. The only problem is… that approach makes you feel alone. Defenseless. Abandoned.
And it didn’t make me any better at dealing with bullies when I got older either.
So yes, I will help my son navigate the world. To learn to pick which battles he fights. I will help to arm him with the shields and swords that he needs to take on the dragons. Sometimes, I will be right there, fighting alongside him. But always I will have his back.
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So very hard to deal with. I am amazed at how unschooled some of the parents are - even the ones who should know better. Ironically, my son's worst bully was the son of a teacher! She just didn't believe her angel was capable of such behavior. He was.
ReplyDeleteWe dealt with it as best we could and when things didn't get better, we removed him from the situation. There has been a little in the current place, but the teacher stepped in immediately and put a stop to it. We are in the right place.
I don't remember being bullied as a child. I kept to myself and it's possible the weird-and-possibly dangerous aura around me was enough to keep them at bay...
Sometimes all we do it provide shelter for the storms :( Kids can be SO MEAN!!!!!
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ReplyDeleteKira was bullied for an entire school year by a boy twice her size and weight. She was in fourth grade, he was in sixth. I reported to the school, complained etc numerous times. Went to the bus stop myself a couple of time and made it clear he needed to stop. Did I mention Im armed in the morning on my way to work? Talked to his mom, who said, his father and I are going thru a divorce, its been really hard on him. Hmmm, do ya think I GAF??? Finally, after they refused to do anything, I taught her how to protect herself and one day he put his hands on her and began shaking her. She pushed him as hard as she could after kicking him in the crotch. He never touched her again after that. I am not a fan of physical violence, but when the schools will not defend victims, what can you do?
ReplyDeleteCurrently, Kira is being bullied by a girl who is such a bigot, that it shocks me. She told the Jewish students she was going to reincarnate hitler and bring him to their house; told Kira and another black boy that all black ppl were dumb, and makes racial slurs constantly to everyone. Just as I was ready to call the teacher, I hear that the bully got suspended for a physical fight in the cafeteria with another girl; same things were being said. This is not the first time she has been suspended. This girl is 14 and has three protection orders against her for various kids in school. I sent the email to the teacher anyway and let them know about the racial bullying.
Kids are horrible, and good for you for being behind him; gone are the days where you can tell your kid to "toughen up"